It is still daytime, but I want to document something because I thought of doing something fun (sort of... I find it fun, at least).
I realized last week that I could use the TV we have at home as another monitor. I will be experimenting with it a bit today. (I might update later...)
UPDATE: I had tried it, and it works. Now I realize I could switch the tables for the computer and the beauty products (I mean the items like deodorant, baby powder, lotions, and cologne, I do not have any makeup), as the desk for the former is smaller than that of the former. (As to why, it is because the computer desk was meant for studying and had a light, but the light is not working now and there are no bulbs for it.)
As of this writing, I had already generally switched the two spaces, but I still need to put everything else in order.
Went back to a certain social media site partly out of "maybe it will be needed someday" and partly out of wanting to know whether or not things changed from when I was last there.
As I expected, there were certain topics of discussion and argument that won't leave certain groups of people... I have informed myself beforehand through YouTube videos, at least. However, unlike before, I decided to not post or reply to anything verbally and also chose to only really give a like on things that I actually do like.
It is hard... There really is that urge to give your two cents, even though it's not quite important or you do not have the required level of knowledge or experience.
Recently, though, I have stumbled upon a fun post about how a MOBA or shooter Kamen Rider game would be. I did not expect it to open me up to more amusing Kamen Rider posts and I find it funny.
Perhaps it's not all drama.
I am able to write something here today as I am only required to work for half the day and I chose to do it in the latter half. I suppose I also wanted to write here because I want to remember something.
So I was talking with one of my co-workers about people assuming we earned more than we actually did. We understood it was likely because of certain major expenses that were made public for the sake of transparency (we work in a non-profit), but is asking people not a thing anymore? Also, why are we thinking about monetary gain like how the world does?
I fear that there may be a growing "love of money"... and people don't know that it's just sneaking in there.
1 Timothy 6:2-10 and Hebrews 13:1-19 have been great reminders for me. The former has also been comforting, as even simple things like food and clothing are already enough reason to thank God. I do not know where I picked it up from, but for a while, I've been under the impression that if you are thankful for the same things every time you pray it comes off as "routine" or maybe even "fake". If you think about it... isn't it just right to be thankful for what you're provided every day without fail?
Today is another one of those days when I realize that I have been putting some things off for way longer than I should have.
To add context, I have gotten myself a sewing kit lately, and I had a few items that needed fixing. I started on one of them, but put off finishing the repair work for a long while. Today, I have finished half of it (the other half will be simpler now that I have finished this half) and one of another item. I may even work on yet another one later, depending on my energy level...
In other news, I may be able to do more here... But I would have to update on that.
I have tried walking to work, and I made it in around 30 minutes. It is a decent time, considering I have not done it in a while.
However, I found it is the worst time to do so, given the rising heat these days as summer starts. I think I would rather not give myself the danger of heat stroke...
In other news... I yearn to make something...
Traffic was rather heavy earlier on the way to work. As I passed by the area near the house of one of my co-workers, I thought about how he has been going to work lately. It seemed to be possible to walk the distance, although seeing how his physical condition is, he might find it difficult. I was riding one of those mini buses, and thought it would be funny if he rode the same one I was (it was unlikely, as he needed to be much earlier than I am).
And then it hit me, perhaps I could walk from my house to my workplace. I have walked my share of long distances, and it is not like I have no sense of direction... And it could fulfill the need to exercise (I have fairly recently lost a little bit of weight as compared to when I first started weighing in some time ago, but I might find it hard to maintain because of lack of regular exercise)
I thought I could try doing it both ways, to work and back, but realized it might be unsafe at night so daytime it is. And at least I would not have to notify people about it...
But yes, that has been one of my more interesting thoughts today.
I do not consider today anything too special... so nothing special from me regarding Valentine's day.
However, there has been some admittedly out of the blue thinking about being in the "worst timeline". I am not sure how I came to that discussion in my head, but I believe that we are in the best timeline. If there are any other timelines or possibilities to consider...
Yes, I am aware that there is much suffering that we humans experience. But I do believe that God is sovereign and nothing happens outside of his control. And considering that He is perfectly good and infinitely wise, I can, with confidence, say that whatever happens is what is best, even though we do not always think so or we could barely understand why.
Decided to change the username back to Megukei, for reasons I would rather keep to myself.
In other news, I have recently become older in terms of whole numbers of years. Not that it matters all that much...
Had one of those somewhat thought-provoking interactions today...
I had a fellow church member ask me today about talking with AI. At first, it was about how it "knew" how to talk/reply like a person despite it being a machine. I explained that it was able to do it by having it "read" real people's conversations (sourced from all over the place) and based on the patterns that it had "learned", it would be able to generate answers similar to what people would say. (She was not much of a tech person so I had to keep it simple... Also, I know it is not quite the best description...)
Then she asked me if it was alright for her to keep talking to it. Personally, I was opposed to it, considering that it has a general tendency to just say yes to people and not keep them from harming themselves... That, and sometimes it gives wrong or made-up answers. I said that it did not care about the people it "conversed" with, and it would give statements that "supported" people regardless of what they were doing (very unlike how people who care would confront their friends and family when they are doing something unwise). I also expressed a bit of my conviction that since people are sinful because of the Fall and everything, and AI is pretty much just imitating people without any real awareness of the effects its words and actions have on people, at some point it may just endanger someone and it would not know it.
She asked me to pray for her so that she would keep herself from talking to it and engaging with it, and I agreed (albeit silently). But there was something else that crossed my mind at that moment... and I think I should also pray for that certain matter.
She is the type of person who would just find quotes and posts that seem inspiring (or Spirit-led perhaps...), and would just keep on sending them to people she cares about, including myself, regardless of how appropriate it is for, say, the purpose or theme of certain group chats. And apart from how she reposts freely, I also find that most people in our local church find her hard to understand or they do not know what to say to her (I belong to the latter part), and so would not really engage with her.
At that point, I have come to think, what if she had been talking with AI because she does not get the amount of human interaction she needs? If that is the case, would it not be a failing of us as brethren?
And so, I have resolved to reciprocate.
Today, I have found that I could hear the thoughts in my head again. It is not that I have started thinking again, it is that my thoughts have become loud enough again. I am thankful for this, although I should caution not to get lost in my own head. I wonder if I simply needed a longer break?
Speaking of breaks, it has been nice. For a while, I thought it would be stressful again, but it is a lot more relaxing this time than the last.
Could it be that there is some healing?
It has been a while since I have had a long break. That and watching some comfy anime have made me feel at ease.
It is funny that I have been into more of the complex (and rather stressful) titles before, but now I do not think I can handle them that well. I guess it is part of getting older...
For those who are curious, I have recently been watching The Ice Guy And His Cool Female Colleague and Silver Spoon.
It is funny seeing this here...
You see, I have mentioned something about attempting to do more writing by hand previously. Well, nowadays, I find myself writing my thoughts more on paper than here. I suppose I have to admit to myself that I like being private with what I think for the most part, and that I do not have to make it all public.
Using my vacation leaves little by little for the last two months of the year, although I do not think I can be as relaxed as I was before during these kinds of breaks. The relatives that live nearby are getting a little more aggressive.
I had planned to go out today, but it does not seem worth it now that I am only going to do it for one thing. But it seems to be for good, as I can reorganize a little at home. (To be honest, though, I am a little more worried about the files at work that I need to organize, but I have a lot more time for that come the next week.)
Aside from that, I can also read more and write more. Not here on the "more writing" part, however. I have been attempting to write more by hand.
It really is quite the typhoon right now. Strong winds with rain in Metro Manila. It has been a while since weather like this hit this area in particular. There have been floods and the like in the previous storms, yes, but this is one of those times when I would definitely be able to tell that I will not be able to go to work if these conditions keep up.
I will not know what tomorrow would have in store until I get there, I suppose.
May the other people here in the Philippines be safe.
Today, I tried putting together a list of the physical books that I own. I do not think I have that many, but most of them I can say I have not read at all. Hopefully, I will change that.
In other news... There has been some growing anxiety when it comes to the workplace. I am aware that there is no perfect one, and there will be unfavorable situations and people every once in a while, but it does not change the fact that I do physically feel the effects of that anxiety. I pray that things will be resolved soon.
I have a desire to write. However, I do not know if I do not know what to write first or I am scared to start. It is like when I want to draw... I hesitate to start. The mere thought of it fills me with dread.
Maybe I should just do it at a random moment? Could I even catch myself off guard?
Today has been rather hot, despite the rains. Or perhaps I could say that it has been humid... Either way, I do not like it. My head hurt earlier because of it, and I needed to cool off with an evening shower or risk feeling ill.
In other news... One of the things I have been taking care of at work is finally starting to show some sort of result. I have put it off for way too long, and I am glad that I can move on soon. I pray that I would be able to handle the other projects that are next in line as well.
There is also this realization that I have had recently. There was this talk I attended lately that was about managing personal finances, and looking at how mine was, it was worse than I previously thought. So now, I am spending some time reevaluating it and making changes. There are some things that I would have to give up, I am certain, but when I do, I know I will gain a better appreciation for what I have currently. I must admit, there have been times I wanted certain things, and felt like I needed them but I did not actually need them. Now is the time to curb those urges.
I may have had either too much yogurt drink, or my stomach may not have agreed with the tuna sandwich... Or both... Or perhaps, it was the influx of banana in the diet recently? I do not know.
I think I am alright as of now. However, I will still have to monitor myself. It seems to be a minor bout of loose bowels, though, and I am thankful that it is not worse than that.
That is not why I wanted to post today...
Recently, I have been attending classes (or rather, listening to classes) on counseling, and I was not expecting to have assignments. Unfortunately, I find myself doubting if I will be able to do them (to be fair, it will not be much of a loss to myself, if it is just up to me, as I do not have any plans on pursuing further study) due to a lack of time to think properly. At the very least, in my opinion.
Or maybe I am not particularly interested in the subject...? I do not know, as I still do want to be able to advise people properly this time around. You see, I have done so before with a rather worldly perspective and I find myself guilty of potentially being instrumental to someone's spiritual downfall. This is the first time I am learning more about how Christians should do it, and it is very different from what people are used to.
Hmm... Perhaps I will take the time again to really think...
Yet another holiday today. But that was not the most important part.
It was my first time being early to this weekly ministry where people from the streets were fed, given the means to bathe properly, and had the gospel shared to them. Normally, since I had work beforehand, I would only be able to help later. However, this time, there was an opportunity to at least help with cooking, which I have wanted to do for a while.
As expected, it was tiring, but it was a good kind of tiring. Plus, there were people who came whom I have never talked much to before and it was nice that I was able to have fellowship with them more than the usual.
I suppose I should sleep soon... I want to write more, but it takes so long to even figure out what to write...
It is one of those city holidays today. Spent time not quite resting, more of doing things I could not during work days. Also finished this one task I was supposed to do yesterday but could not due to other, more urgent matters.
And yet, there is this slight feeling that there is still more to do, even though I have the freedom to rest. Perhaps, I may nap.
I see it has been a while...
Things have been busy, to say the least, and I do not believe it will be that less so in the future (although next week there will be a few days off...) I suppose that comes with full-time work and workplace relocation.
Here are some pieces of thoughts that have come to mind recently (I may get back to these, or not):
It seems writing these down had actually made some action points clearer to me. Thank God.
"Even if I still know how to read notes on piano sheet music, I do not think I will fully go back to trying to learn how to play the piano."
That was my opinion that I had in my head earlier, despite actually feeling happy that I could use a piano app for learning the tune of a song. I had joined the choir at my local church for a certain event, you see, and I had missed a few parts of practice sessions. I figured that since we were given sheet music, I might as well try playing it on the piano or a piano app so I could be more certain of the tune.
Speaking of the piano, I would say I have mixed feelings and thoughts about playing the instrument. When I was younger, I had taken some piano lessons, and I even had a keyboard of my own so I could practice without going to my grandparents'. Like many other things I got into at the time, it was mostly a waste, as I did not continue it until mastery. I still, to this day, do not understand why, exactly, I did not want to. Was it just a passing fancy and everyone else had overinvested? Was I overwhelmed? Did I think somehow that I needed to be good at it? Perhaps it was a bit of everything.
Many years had passed, and eventually I gave away the keyboard. After all, I might as well not waste it completely.
Quite a few times, though, I had wanted to get another one. One of those portable ones that you could fold. But then, right now, I do not have the time to use it, even if I wanted to. So I suppose I would just stick to the piano app.
It might not be much, but I still felt some happiness playing.
Today has been quite tiring, and I just stayed at home...
It was not much of an issue that it had been raining the whole day, the problem was that lately, water had been coming in whenever it rained hard. As a result, a good part of the day was spent trying to get water off the floor. On the bright side, it was some much needed exercise.
I would still count this situation as good. There are likely people out there who are in a deeper flood right now...
I have been set on learning a certain something lately, in order to better help my co-workers. It has been alright so far, and I do like this feeling of challenging my brain.
As a result, there are times when I would not be able to play. Then again, outright rest would be much better... I seem to be feeling a little short on sleep?
Resting a little before doing a bit of graphics work and then going to sleep. Today had been busy, with doing some cooking (after a long while of not doing so, as there usually is someone else who does it) and some laundry.
What have I been up to lately? Mostly work. And I have also had the opportunity to get a medical checkup. Found that my blood pressure has gotten a little high, which would explain some things I've been feeling as of late. I suppose I would have to work on improving my lifestyle.
I have had the urge to do something lately, but have not gotten around to pinpointing what it is, exactly.
In other news... I am scared of how different the way I write and the way I talk are. It is one of those thoughts that just suddenly up and greet me out of nowhere.
It is funny how we sometimes think our plans are going to go smoothly... I have made one such "plan" and forgot that I don't have a core item for it, and so it must be put off until another day.
On the other hand, I have gotten to take care of something I have unfortunately put off for so long because I have been frustrated with it.
Here I hope that it works out somehow...
Finally, there is some room to breathe for this month... Perhaps, I will be able to do something I have been putting off?
I am thankful that I am allowed a break tomorrow for a family affair. I just feel a little bad leaving my workmate behind, but then, there is only so much I can do when the important work right now is mostly hers to do.
I pray she will make it.
This is one of those times when I feel overwhelmed... Saturdays are perhaps the only days I have some form of time to myself, and most Saturdays this month are occupied by some other activity.
That, and there have been people wanting me to occupy the remaining one... No, I will not yield to that demand.
I do not want to have to suddenly take a break because of all the tension. There are days to work and days to rest.
Someone treated our office to a day at a certain mini vacation spot here in Metro Manila. It was quite nice and a lot of fun, although I had to rent some things since I did not have anything suitable. So I would probably be sleeping a bit better tonight.
Also... I have been posting some videos on YouTube lately. They're more of ways to share things I am interested in than actually a means to "grow" on there. Well, at the very least, that is the challenge. I miss how it was before, and how simple it was to just post something and not really care how it will do. For example, one could just post, say, a slideshow made with Windows Movie Maker and not have any shame when it does not do well.
I was planning on not to talk about it, but I suppose it would be good to mention it now and nevermore. Also, I just wanted to say that I did not realize until now that I really did need to verify my phone so I could activate all those non-basic features. I thought that I could just get them with enough channel history. Silly me.
Am I going to update it often? Who knows. I have been thinking of some things to feature, but I will never truly know if I have the time until I have the time.
There is something about taking a sick leave that I am uncomfortable with... The thing is, it is not very common for me to be sick enough to not be able to work at all, and so I am at a loss when I feel the need to take a leave. Part of me thinks that I may just be lying, but I know I am not.
I realized something about that personal project I have been talking about before... I could already do it as a simpler thing, then I could improve on it little by little. Right now, I admit I have been paralyzed by the thought of doing that more complicated thing, especially since I had not done it before.
I also realize that I still have that much fear of failure...
Things have been busy lately, and I have also found myself wanting to do several things at once. It did not work before, I do not believe it will work now. I must focus on what is important...
I may not have that much of a right to say it, considering I have just purchased Breath of Fire IV, which is available on GOG. But then, I will likely have little time to play it...
I had quite a bit of fun with Blockbench yesterday evening and earlier today. I found it somewhat simple and easy to get into, at least as compared to Blender.
I'm not sure if I will be doing that much 3D art, though, but it is nice to try out.
There was a network interruption in our area earlier, and while I had no internet, I was thinking, "I should probably have more times when I just disconnect from the internet in my life. It would do me more good." That was because I was able to do the laundry faster than how I did it usually. It really did turn out that I was heavily distracting myself. What with all the games and things I could search or watch...
However, there was a flaw to that thought, and it occurred to me as I looked back on what I had learned yesterday.
The topic was on Christian liberty, particularly on liberty in Christian conduct, and there is this wrong application of it in the form of prohibition, where you take away things or refuse to partake in things simply because they could lead to sin. For example, not drinking wine because it could lead to drunkenness. It's funny when you apply it to food, apparently, as it would be rather silly to not have it just because it could lead to gluttony.
Following this, putting a complete ban on internet access on myself would not be helpful for me. For one, I use it for work and for communicating with others. And internet access, by itself, is not a bad thing.
However, I will have to exercise my self-control more. For example, I can say no to using it for games when there is something more important that needs to be done.
Would this, perhaps, be an accountability post?
Looking at other people and wanting what they have (when you have something uniquely your own) truly takes the joy out of you. I've experienced it lately, but I am thankful that it did not go on for long.
I have been learning quite a bit from the personal project I've been doing. Many things are those that I have not encountered before, or at least not in school.
The time has now come for a lot of typing... I'll then continue when information is ready.
Writing here while it's the date above... Have not been able to write much here, mostly because of personal matters. As much as I would like to write or talk about anything, I've been at a loss as to whether they would be good to share.
Still, I would like to note here that I have started a personal project of mine and I am happy I have gotten around to it. I would rather not talk about what it is until I am done with it, however.
Finally had that dentist appointment I was talking about. It went well, although apparently, I have to get all my remaining wisdom teeth extracted sometime.
While I am nervous, I do admit that it is necessary. Otherwise, my teeth will go bad and I may be put in danger. I am glad that I'm seeing a dentist who is not afraid to pull out bad teeth.
I just have to be prepared for the costs... I am thankful I have a job so I can at least save.
Also... I should not let other people use my social media accounts ever again. Not only was that odd, but it came to something embarrassing.
Had a funny incident earlier.
Someone from a dental clinic I've been to before had contacted me, asking if I would like to schedule an appointment. I agreed, since I had been thinking of doing so with them for a while. The appointment was for earlier this morning.
I went to where I thought it was, but it turns out, there are other branches of the said clinic, and the person who had contacted me was from one of those other branches, not even the one close to where I had been before (they moved, that much I knew). And apparently, I wasn't scheduled at all, and the dentist in that other branch was busy, and so they couldn't actually accommodate anyone who wasn't scheduled until Tuesday. (At least, that's how I understood the whole thing...)
Thankfully, it wasn't as upsetting as it was amusing, as it was all due to honest mistakes, and I did get an actual appointment for the branch I went to. Plus, I got some exercise (it was walking distance).
A major activity has finally passed, and things are somewhat going back to normal. Hopefully, I will be able to catch up with some work that I had to set aside for a while.
I want so much to write, but as to what, I do not know (yet again).
Things have gotten busy lately... At one point, I thought I was not going to have a breather at all. I am glad that some of the things we have been preparing for at work are done.
There are still a few more things... But at least there is progress, and so far, things have not gone badly.
I am glad and thankful that I have calmed down since the last time I wrote here. And just in time, as there are other bigger matters that need attention. The new year brings new challenges.
I do not know if I will talk more about the games I've been playing lately, but right now, I've been into exploring the new version of Wuthering Waves on my main account. It is quite pleasant so far. I've also started trying out some challenges and failing some of them, but I'm happy with them and I think they're cool.
It's only around an hour and a half more until the 1st of January of 2025. So far, people have been having fun with the fireworks and horns. We don't have them and are just listening, since it's too much work and mess.
As an update to the diarrhea incident, I am well now. At least, physically. Otherwise, I don't quite feel like I'm having a good time.
It is likely my own fault, though, since what I really wanted to do was stay at home and take care of some things... but of course, we had to go out somewhere. Going to visit a grave was one thing, and I did expect it, but the shopping trip afterward wasn't... pleasant. While I did buy something I needed, I ended up being too stressed out. I am still thankful that we were safe, and still are, however, so that's that. And I am thankful that we're at least here in the same place, the house, right now.
I just pray that being upset doesn't get the better of me later and tomorrow.
Just when I thought this would be a time I wouldn't get sick... I did. As usual during this time, it is diarrhea.
I did not eat so much more than what I normally do, thankfully, but still, it did not help. I can only take care.
It's the day after Christmas, and the start of waiting for the New Year celebration. But it's only going to be a short wait... There are only two days before another "long weekend".
At least here, it is. That's because here, the 30th is also a holiday - Rizal Day. Which means, once Saturday comes, it will be another long break until the 1st of January.
I think for a time back then, the 2nd was also turned into a holiday, but I guess it didn't stick? That's alright, as there's way too much "rest". Some people can and will get bored.
Had the chance to try out gashapon recently. It was nice.
Is it just me, or am I actually on a weekly schedule...? I planned on just writing here whenever I felt like it, but I guess it's a weekly thing right now.
I've been writing a bit more today. I guess it was because I have more free time right now. I've been regularized at work recently, and I'm now taking leaves before the year ends and they reset.
To be honest, I've been worried that I won't be able to write anything at all. I haven't really had enough time to think about things for long. But it looks like I possibly can during the holidays. Possibly.
Thankfully, unlike before, I don't have it as my priority, since I don't plan on earning a living with it. It's now more of a recreational thing, as it had always been. Truly, I miss the days when I really just wrote for fun.
Not to say that it's not fun nowadays... but I would say that there's a lot more thinking involved right now. It might not show, though, considering I don't have my old work here and I do not plan on putting it here. That's in the past.
Now that I think about it, that's kind of ironic, with the name "Megureisu and Memory" and all. Maybe I'll just talk or write about those days instead, so I can move on and make new memories too.
Attended a certain event today, and I am glad that there really was nothing to worry about.
You see, it had a short preparation time, and I didn't have any idea on whether it would go well or not. Other than taking care of some funding and some printing, I could only really hope and pray that it would go smoothly.
Then today came, and, well, there weren't any major issues. God truly is good, and I could not be more glad and thankful.
Watched a movie at the cinema for the first time in a long while. It was of a story that some of my old friends had been into. Seeing as I have not known anything about it before, it was only now that I've understood the appeal of it.
It was nice. The kids I were with liked it too.
It's the last month of the year... How time flies.
There have been things I've been thinking about, and what I want to do with this site is one of them. I've gotten something of an interesting idea earlier.
I just hope it is an objectively good idea.
Today has been quite busy at work. However, I found myself doing mostly just one thing because it took a long time. In any case, at least I am thankfully not pressured to do everything in as short a time frame as possible. Things take the time they need, and I am redeveloping my patience.
I don't think I can say just yet that I am used to this, but it is a very welcome change.
If any have seen this site name on Bluesky, yes, it is me, but I don't think I'll be using it anymore. I've been gone from social media (other than Facebook for IRL things) a while, and now that I think about it, I don't need it.
I haven't encountered anything too bad, but I guess I might as well keep my peace of mind while it's early.
I have something in life that is much more important.