Hello.
There are quite a number of things that I would like to write about, and I would love to not mind anything at all and just write what I would like to, but I realize that there is still this burden of responsibility to whoever reads here, this website being public and all. While I may not be able to control what other people think, I do want to set some expectations for the following:
Stories
These have been my struggle for quite a while now, to put it simply. However, if you would like to know more about the details, then read on.
It has been a desire of mine to write stories when I was younger. I never quite properly expressed why I wanted to do it, but it was mostly because of the stories that I have read and shows I have watched back then. I wanted to do something similar, and at this point you could say that I started as someone who would write fanfiction (even though I never actually wrote in-universe, and just took cues).
I had many unfinished stories, and that included both prose and comics, the latter of which I tried continuing into college. Unfortunately, I had become too busy, but I was still interested enough to join a comics organization. (That was sort of after failing to get into an anime organization... but I am thankful now that I did not get in.)
There, I eventually met a certain person whom I would later call a friend, and she encouraged me to pursue writing professionally, especially when I decided to work under her as an assistant. I had the opportunity to work on various things, including textbooks for Christian schools, feature articles for somewhat low-quality news sites, blog posts for pretty much what could be considered a content mill,... and stories.
I regret that last one the most... not because I was not in that line of work anymore, but because I had ruined it for myself.
As I said earlier, I have had a desire to write since I was young. Imagine my excitement when I found out about websites like Webnovel and Tapas, and I wanted to write and post on those as a sort of side thing to what I had been doing, which was the blog posts.
Perhaps, I should have just kept it as a hobby...
I do not remember how it went, exactly, but the friend I had mentioned earlier got into one of those story writing apps and was offered pay for it. I am not sure if it was because of me or it was more of serendipity that she got into it, but I remember supporting her but also vaguely thinking it was a bad idea.
Later on, when the blog post mill was becoming a bit too strict but not making it worth following all the guidelines, I was also persuaded into writing for one of those apps. At first, I took it easy and went with a non-exclusive contract, but soon, the need for income in the household grew.
I really did not want to, given that I was not into romance and certainly was not into writing characters doing the deed (even though at the time, I was exposing myself to animated pornography, which was rather ironic) but I eventually got into writing exclusive, and they required that I do something in the "romance" genre and preferably spicy, if you know what I mean.
The characters for those stories (yes, plural, as I had gotten myself two contracts) as well as the stories themselves were precious to me... and I had just ruined them like that. I could not tell that to my "friend" at the time. After all, I was told that I should make something I was not too attached to.
I would not have been able to write them if I did not care for them in any way, but yes, that was my undoing. I did eventually finish them, but after that I felt disgusted and as much as I wanted to write, I could not bring myself to for quite some time.
Even now, I still have struggles, but it is a different kind this time. Now, it is more of "If I put this out, would it be good testimony?" I suppose I will figure this out eventually, as I become more mature as a Christian and as someone who likes stories.
Essays/Writings
Most of these will be attempts to understand or summarize to myself ideas or concepts that I have been learning while I live my life. While I would like to keep them private, I cannot help but think that there are others out there thinking about these same things. I realize that there is comfort in not being alone, and so I would like to keep someone company somehow.
Also, I may change my mind or have more to say on some of these things, and so I will welcome the possibility of commentary on my end.
Poetry (if this comes to pass)
I do not know if I will engage in them that much. I know someone had called me poetic back when I was still studying, but I never liked writing them as much as prose. Adding to that is the fear of being one of those people who will write and post "poetry" but it will just be lazy and pretentious.
I also do not think I will be writing them that often as I only ever write them when I get the urge to. Then again, that is usually when I write in general.